Phantom Thief S
by 98234294y2931h1efuddiaisd02u92
Summary: The world is filled with distortion. Once more, there exists a need for a 「Trickster」 to rise up in society's most dire hour. One such person, enigmatically known as "Phantom Thief S", answers the call to action.


Deliveries were a commonplace occurrence at the McDowell household. Mainly, those of a supernatural nature (from Hell's Shopping Network). But at this particular instance, the only supernatural thing about the box that sat on her doorstep was that it came without a name and address label.

Any smart and clever person would consider such a shady package to be holding some kind of dangerous poison that could kill anyone who opened it.

Okay, maybe a smart, clever, and _deeply paranoid_ person...

(Satanichia wasn't any of those things.)

"Here's a free PS3 and copy of Persona 5. I don't need any of these things anymore. #PCMasterRace".

That was what was written on the note inside the box. True to its word, a fully functioning PS3 as well as a copy of some game called "Persona 5" had been tucked between the compartments.

Now, Satanichia wasn't much of a gamer. She left that gimmick to her arch-rival, Gabriel. She was more of an outdoorsy kind of person, mainly because numerous opportunities to commit heinous deeds always existed in the great outdoors (but mostly because she had a crippling case of ADHD). But even the demon herself had to admit that the case's cover art was wreathed with devilish style.

Honestly, how bad could it be?

The very next day...

"Oh my God, she's going to jump!"

As soon as those words were spoken, nearly every student in every classroom raced towards the nearest window to see what was going on. On the rooftops, a girl could be seen standing over the edge.

"Excuse me, coming through."

Vignette, another demon sent to the human world, traversed the crowd. Despite the fact she was a demon, her decision to see the human about to commit suicide wasn't at all based on malice or a desire to see someone's last moments of despair or anything stereotypically demonic like that. She was sincerely worried about the person who was about to end their life. She wanted to see whether or not she could talk them down from jumping... That was until she got a better look at the "human" at the rooftop and realized that they weren't a human at all.

"What...the...?"

"Hey look, it's Kurumizawa," one of the students yelled.

"Fools!" the girl at the rooftop yelled. "I know not of this Kurumizawa you speak of. I am Phantom Thief S, come to steal your distorted desires!"

"Has she lost her mind!?"

On closer inspection, Vignette could see that Satanichia was wearing the same costume she had worn on Halloween, the only distinction being the ballroom mask which (poorly) disguised her identity. Standing next to Vignette was a short girl with long, messy blonde hair who appeared as if she consistently carried the same bored expression.

"Oh, this is going to be good," she mumbled apathetically.

Immediately, Vignette's accusatory glare met the other's eyes for a brief moment before the other guiltily turned her gaze away.

"Care to explain, Gab?"

The "failen" angel masquerading as a human struggled to look Vignette directly in the eye, her guilty conscience (complemented by the demon's subtly wrathful grin) being mostly responsible for her nervousness. Finally, Gabriel relented.

She told Vignette about what had transpired yesterday...

 _"You called me all the way out here just to help you set up a PS3? Where did you even get it?"_

 _Satanichia told Gabriel about the box while the angel read the note attached to it._ _Gabriel's expression turned into one of irritation as she crumpled the letter and threw it towards the corner of the room._

 _"Damn rich kids," she muttered, envious of the humans who got to enjoy better rigs while she was left playing MMOs on her old and dusty laptop._

 _She turned to_ _Satanichia._

 _"Well, it's not a PS4, but there are still some games worth playing on it. What was that game called again?"_

 _Satanichia flashed Gabriel the copy of Persona 5._

 _"I don't know what it's about, but the cover art looks super cool! I might as well try it out."_

 _Gabriel scanned the CERO rating on the box._

 _"Riiiiiiiiiiight."_

 _Was_ _Satanichia mature enough to play such a game? Well, this was_ _Satanichia she was talking about. Still, if she didn't help the demon, she knew she would never hear the end of it._

 _"Fine. Just grab the cords and I'll help you connect it to the TV."_

In hindsight, it probably wasn't that good of an idea to leave the impressionable demon alone to play the game unsupervised. Still, how far did she even get into it?

"And that's why Satanichia is up on the rooftop right now..."

Before Vignette could respond, a door opening on the rooftop had interrupted her.

"Stop, it's very dangerous up here."

It was a teacher.

"I don't know what's been going on to make you think that this is the only way, but we can talk. There's no need to end it right here."

The demon didn't even spare the teacher a single glance.

"Kukuku... You are correct. There is no need to end it here when there is still so much distortion around."

She pulled a black orb out of her pocket.

"And now, Phantom Thief S makes her daring escape!"

"Is that..."

Vignette eyed the object within the demon's hand nervously.

"This isn't good. Gab, cover your mouth!"

"Why-"

But before Gabriel could respond, Vignette's palm held her mouth shut. "Phantom Thief S" continued her rant as she held the object up in her hand for the entire school to see.

"Know that this is only a teaser. Phantom Thief S will make her debut. And when she does, the distorted sins of society shall be ripe for the plunder! That, I prom-"

"Screw it. Tackle her!"

"Oh crap!"

Cut off by the staff members running towards her, Phantom Thief S prematurely threw the orb down. Immediately, a barrage of black smoke enveloped the school. Everyone closed their eyes. Upon reopening them, the phantom thief was nowhere to be found.

"Where did she go!?"

"Was that really a phantom thief?"

"Who was she?"

The hallways were rife with whispers and rumors.

During lunch break, three friends (Gabriel, Vignette, and another angel) gathered in an empty classroom. The final one to enter was Satanichia herself. Immediately, everyone in the room could see the smug look of self-satisfaction (a dead giveaway) on the demon girl's countenance.

"Hey, guys. Boy, that event sure was crazy. I wonder who that devilishly charming Phantom Thief S really is. Oh well... I'm sure that she will show up again soo- OWIE!"

Satanichia was interrupted by a smack on her noggin (courtesy of Vignette).

"What was that for!?"

"Oh my oh my, I have no idea. Why don't you tell me, Miss Phantom Thief S?" asked Vignette, sporting a rather scary expression.

"I-I have no idea what you're talking about," answered Satanichia, hiding behind Gabriel while shaking.

The angel sighed.

"We all know it was you on the rooftops. Also, get off my back."

"Preposterous!"

Satanichia took a step back.

"There's no way you could possibly realize it was m- I-I mean, reasonably think that I and the dashing Phantom Thief S are one and the same."

Both Vignette and Gabriel facepalmed.

"Satania and Phantom Thief S are the same person? Impossible!"

This was Raphiel, an angel who oft enjoyed teasing Satanichia (mainly in ways that could be considered borderline sadistic). A ray of hope shot from Satanichia's glance towards Raphiel's direction.

"R-Raphi. You believe me, right?"

"There, there."

The angel allowed the demon to plant her face into her ample bosom.

"Of course there's no way that Satania is the phantom thief."

"Raphi..."

Satanichia sobbed. A slightly sadistic grin suddenly marked the benevolent angel's features.

"Someone as lame and idiotic as Satania couldn't possibly be the great Phantom Thief S~"

Immediately, Satanichia separated herself from Raphiel's chest and loudly proclaimed, "Fine, you got me! I'm the phantom thief!"

"Oh my~"

"That was easy," commented Gabriel.

Satanichia's confident expression quickly turned to one of a cornered animal the moment she realized that she had just been caught in Raphiel's snare.

"Wait, I take that back! Grrrr, you tricked me, Raphiel!"

"Oh, did I?"

The angel placed a hand on her cheek and smiled innocently. Vignette sighed.

"Regardless, Gab told me about what happened yesterday. I'm assuming this is all coming from that game."

"Ah, you mean this one."

Reaching into her bag, Satanichia pulled out a copy of Persona 5.

"You brought that thing to school!?"

Gabriel was a bit taken aback by the devil's devil-may-care attitude, but then remembered that this was Satanichia she was dealing with.

"Fufufu, this is not a mere game, Vigne."

"Could've fooled me," replied the other demon.

"This, my dear naive friend, is an instruction manual passed down from generations upon generations of phantom thieves on how to become a great master thief. Behold!"

The demon took the instruction manual out of the box and begin skimming through the pages.

"In order to jumpstart one's thieving career, one must first obtain a hefty camaraderie of confidants. Of course, they must each represent different cards from the tarot deck."

"Why from the tarot?"

"It's a gimmick of Persona games and has been that way ever since Persona 3," answered Gabriel. "Basically, the game can be divided into two categories. The one where you go to a parallel universe to fight off monsters and become stronger, and the other where you live life as a normal high school student. The one way in which those two intersect is through social links or confidants, as they're called in Persona 5, where you befriend others and that makes you stronger in the parallel universe somehow."

"Ah, I see, I see..."

Vignette smacked her left palm with her right fist.

"I don't get it."

"Then why did you bother asking?"

"Fear not!" shouted Satanichia. "I shall explain. Gabriel."

She pointed at the angel.

"You are the hermit."

The angel shrugged.

"Fits me, I guess."

"Raphi."

The other angel pointed to herself.

"Me?"

"You are the empress."

"Oh my~"

"And Vigne..."

"What am I?"

Satanichia paused.

"Hm..."

"Why am I taking so long?"

"The tarots have something to do with your personality," explained Gabriel. "So I guess the reason yours is taking so long...is because you don't have any."

"Excuse me!" Vignette protested. "I-"

"Justice!"

The demon turned her head.

"Huh?"

"You're justice. Though, the character that arcana belongs to fits Raphi a heck of a lot more."

"Oh, and who's that?" asked Raphiel.

"Can it, Akechi!"

"Akechi?!"

"How far did you get in the game?" inquired Gabriel.

"Oh, I finished it overnight."

"Overnight!" exclaimed both Vignette and Gabriel.

Only now could they begin to notice bags under Satanichia's eyes. They knew that the demon girl was quite energetic and durable, but even Gabriel had to take rest breaks every now and then. The demon continued unabated.

"And of course, I'm the devil."

"Well, you are _a_ devil," stated Vignette.

"No, I mean the tarot."

"Oh."

"Now, I would like to do nothing else but take my time answering more of your questions, but the distorted desires of society call for thievery. _Yawn._ Arsene..."

The demon turned her gaze towards thin air and ushered her imaginary companion over.

"Let us be on our wa..."

Without warning, Satanichia collapsed.

"Looks like those hours without sleep finally caught up to her," stated Gabriel. "By the way, Vigne. What were you so concerned about that smoke bomb Satania threw back there?"

"Ah, that..."

The devil looked to the side.

"You didn't inhale any of the stuff, Raphi? Actually, it's a given that you didn't, since you were able to discern Phantom Thief S' true identity immediately."

"What do you mean, Vigne?"

"Basically, it's a magical smoke bomb that not only obscures the vision of anyone caught within its range but, if they inhaled it, also their sensibility concerning any memory of the last thing they saw. You probably heard many of the students asking who Phantom Thief S was unironically, yes? That's the effect of inhaling the smoke. Your common sense concerning the last object of your perception is muddled. Everybody but us was wondering who Phantom Thief S really was. She probably got such a dangerous object from that Hell's Shopping Network channel. I really have to put that channel under adult supervision..."

"Wait a minute, Vigne," interrupted Gabriel. "You didn't inhale the smoke. And I didn't inhale it. And I'm certain you didn't inhale it, Raphi."

The other angel shook her head.

Like a sledgehammer, the revelation rained down upon the heads of all three girls at once.

 _Wait..._

 _...but if we didn't inhale it..._

 _...then that means..._

As if their minds were tethered to some greater collective unconscious, the three individuals were each able to reach the exact same conclusion.

 _We're the only ones who know the true identity of Phantom Thief S!_


End file.
